Summit Books

by Jenny Manuel

Publication Date: August 2005
Price: P150.00
Available at your favorite magazine stands

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EXCERPT

Chapter 1: ED

(Or why you need a friend with the patience of a saint.)

The days and weeks immediately following a difficult breakup are always the most difficult and the most critical.

After the shock of what has just happened (your life just ending… at least you feeling that way), denial and gut-wrenching grief tend to follow hot on shock's heels. Every waking moment will be filled with thoughts of the ex - how to get back with him, how to say sorry to him, how to kill him.

Your thinking will often be muddled and unclear because denial will confuse you with ridiculous ideas. Ideas such as, 'He didn't mean it when he said he was leaving - that moving truck that took every item he owns is really just parked down the street waiting for his signal to bring them all back.' Or, 'He and that woman weren't really having sex, they were just taking a nap together - naked.'

There will also be an alarming amount of tear-shedding at this point. Tears like you have never known. The type of crying that will quite literally run dry - at least until your next big glass of water after which you immediately start crying again.

In short, you will be a wreck, just as I was. And needless to say you're not going to be the most fun person to be around. In fact, during those early periods post-disaster you're going to be about as much fun to be around as a stick.

An ugly stick.

An ugly stick with thorns on it.

Some friends will believe in the Pull Yourself Together/Tough Love approach. You will need to stay away from these friends. I am not suggesting that these people are not being good friends to you; on the contrary, they probably genuinely believe that tough love is what you need. But tough love is not what you need at the moment - you're already feeling exhausted, beat up, and emotionally mangled because of the breakup.

SMART MOVES:

Admit that the relationship is over. Say it aloud to yourself in the mirror, or write about it in detail to a close friend or a family member who knew you and your ex as a couple. Telling someone else, if you haven't already, is a sign that you admit that the breakup is real.

Cry, shout, kick the walls, hit a punching bag - do whatever you need to do to release all the negative energy smoldering inside you.

Think about whom among your friend and family members are going to be the most gentle and supportive of you during this period and then ask them for their help. Be honest about how you feel - talk to them and don't be afraid to cry. It's okay to be a wreck - for a while.